sing_for_me | Noctium

[ Alex wasn’t sure what was more suffocating, his hold or impact of his emotions as he finally lets them loose. Either way, she doesn’t fight or try to push him away, not minding if bruises were to form. Her own hold doesn’t weaken, supporting his weight as if he might fall apart right onto her floor.

Has she ever heard such a mournful sound? Someone she’s only ever seen stand steadfast by his boss’s side, calm and collected through ambushes, patient and sweet to those he held dear, now just a broken man that was just told that the person who kept him together was no longer there.

The pain in his voice and the tremors of his body shook her heart, as if pain and sadness had manifested itself before her. She was no stranger to it, and yet, it’s been so long since she’s been exposed to the suffering Ergastulum doled out so generously upon those that least deserved it.

She’s upset, but not at him. He and Connie had earned their happy ending, and it was unfair for that to have been ripped away for them. she doesn’t wish to add more to the mix, and yet she can’t help but feel so much for him. Her fingers press into his back and scalp, just with enough pressure. ]

[It was a long time coming, the release of so much that been bottled up; both through the month he'd been in this place and what he'd kept at bay back in Ergastulum. From the moment Connie was taken. Marco didn't cry then; not the moment he'd realised what happened, not when Joel lashed out at him, not when they'd sent him Connie's arm, not when he'd finally seen her again in that state. He couldn't break, not even a little, or he wouldn't be able to help her. But to know it hadn't mattered, that his best efforts and sacrificing everything had ultimately failed in the worst way possible. To have that one shred of hope remaining be shattered and know that was the end. It was the end and yet he's still here, to live in the aftermath with only the heavy weight of defeat mercilessly crushing what's left: fragmented pieces of himself that won't fit back together without her.

He doesn't know how long it's been when the tears finally subside and he really registers the steady and solid pressure of Alex's hands, the growing warmth of her body against him when it had been so cold before. He's slow to pull back from her shoulder as the sharp edges of his emotions begin to dull and he can focus again, but they've left a lingering exhaustion in a way he's never felt before. A lethargy born of despair too great to fully comprehend.]

I'm sorry.

[There's a hollowness to it, and his voice is scratchy.]

I needed more than a minute.

[ It was her turn to wile the trail of tears from his face, her other hand remaining on his back. ]

You can take longer. As much as you need.

[ There was no time limit. Her arms would still welcome his pain.

If anything, having Marco here felt like time had began to move for her again, a slow creak of hands that had rusted over time. She had felt frozen in the final events she’d experienced in Ergastulum, no closure, no knowing what happened to anyone. There were still a million unanswered questions, but there was at least one answer in front of her now.

The crystals that had formed around her had chipped and fallen away, barely any left on her now. Maybe it was the synchrony, maybe it was something more. But her focus remained on Marco. ]

I know…that we haven’t interacted much.

[ Mostly in dangerous situations, and even then it always centered around other people like protecting Loretta, or being with Connie. ]

But please believe me when I say that anything you need, I’m here for you.

[ Saying he wasn’t alone felt like another stab to his chest, so she doesn’t say it out loud, but her feelings pulse through their synchrony, a steady thrum against his cheek. ]

Why don’t you stay with me for a few days? No—- I insist.

[He lets out a deep breath as she gives him that reassurance he doesn't have to be okay, but he knows he needs to start picking up the pieces before he gets stuck and has no nope of moving past things. He needs that determination to kick in as soon as possible, and whether his familiarity with Alex and their shared experiences and associations will make that easier or harder is difficult to predict.]

I'm alright, it's fine...

[For now. He leaves that unspoken even as he covers her hand with his own, but doesn't remove it from his cheek. He still desires some sort of connection to ground him, and maybe he's not that alright after all. But he doesn't want to be a nuisance either and spend all week crying on Alex's couch like a pathetic shell of a man.]

I don't-

[But she's already interrupting his protest, having anticipated it. And he can't help but acquiesce to that tone.]

... If you don't mind.

Of course not.

[ Now that she was capable of offering more, Alex had no intention of holding back. But, she understands his reservations, and that it might not be as easy for him to ask for help. Most of the people she knew back in their world didn’t… ]

To be honest, it would help me a lot. It’s kind of hard being alone here…

[ It’s a chance she’s taking, but she hopes phrasing it in this way might make it sound less like him depending on her. ]

And if you don’t mind… I think hugging you really helped with the crystalizing, and I still feel a bit heavy.

[ She feels bad for the little white lie, though it is true that it helped. Alex just had the feeling he could use more of the contact itself. And to some degree, so did she, deep down.]

Would it be okay to synch for a bit more?

[He'd nearly forgotten about that, the crystalizing. What he'd been initially concerned with when they'd first come inside. It had been derailed, and he feels responsible for that neglecting.]

Oh. Yes, it's... I'll help you in any way that I can, Alex.

[It's an almost desperate need to be useful right now, to give something back if he could.]

[ Her smile brightens, pulling him back into the hug slowly. The hand on his face slides to the back of his neck, her thumb brushing over short hairs idly. ]

Thank you, Marco…

[ She meant it, even if a part of her felt guilty for the relief of having him around. It didn’t seem fair, for him to have lost so much but for her to feel she had gained. But she shoves those feelings back, wanting to leave room for his own and to only allow whatever comfort she can provide. ]

I…I ended up here not too long after… [ after his death ] And I might not know a lot, but if you had any questions, I can try to answer them.

[This time he's more relaxed and there isn't any hesitation to embrace her warmly, even if his emotions still swirl and spike in painful waves underneath. Only once do his fingers dig in a little too much, as he knows when she means. It takes a moment for him to respond, and it feels a bit like letting go of something.]

I know all I need to.

[The details don't matter, and if they do go back to the moment they left someday, he wants to experience it without foreknowledge beyond that which he already has.]

[ There was something admirable about the way he settles with the unknown, but maybe he also didn’t want to face what else might be in store when he’s unable to do anything about it. He seemed more like the Marco she’d seen from a distance, but now with just a peek of what was beneath. She probably would have asked had their positions been reversed, restless and terribly curious as she could be.

Alex responds with just a nod of her head against his, thoughts already wandering off to what else she could do for him. Hopefully he wasn’t as harsh a food critic as Nicolas was… ]

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