[ Her home is spacious and blessedly clean, furnished by the family that once lived here. Loads of rooms to choose from, but Nel takes them to a dining room with one of those excessively long tables and not enough chairs.
She sets to lighting a few candles at its center, buying time. ]
Nothing is 'wrong'. Nothing's changed, Alex. Don't worry for nothing.
[ Three times. That's three times she said 'nothing'. ]
[ The growing sickness in her belly roils and screams, Liar! ]
I know you trust me. It's all I needed to hear.
[ Her back is a mass of too-tight muscle wrapped up in a body containing lifetimes of suppressed feeling. She rolls her neck, cracks it, takes a seat— on the table, not a chair. ]
Whatever you find I've done, I just ask you remember.
[ A mark of their surviving so long in Aefenglom with a semblance of togetherness: Nel watches her hands be stolen and permits it. The distant drums she can hear turn out to be her own heartbeat, thudding and confessing. ]
Alright.
[ She just looks at Alex's face, at each curve and soft angle. Memorization. ]
A young woman was slaughtered most intimately as part of a man's game with me. To protect my own skin, I hid all evidence she'd ever existed.
[ They way Nel words it is different from Alex is used to, but she understood a murder and cover up no matter how it was put. Her fingers twitch against the back of Nel's hands, but she doesn't let go. These hands weren't...they weren't bad. Nel had to have a reason--she said it was to protect herself. And she said it was someone's game with her. That means she didn't do it, right? ]
Nel...Why did you ask if I trust you? Did you think I would think badly of you if I found out about this?
[ That stumps her for a moment, not expecting Nel to touch close to something deep in her heart. ]
But... you had your reasons, right?
[ Alex had to believe that she did, that any of the people she cared about had reasons behind their actions, no matter how questionable. It was the only way she could make sense of things. ]
[ Resistance drains from her captured hands; the tension, the ferocity in Nel is lost, and it leaves her paler, hollow.
My reasons, she thinks, were self-serving. Nothing to justify what was and was not done, and justifications are what come easiest to a woman such as Nel. ]
Yes. I did. And if they weren't good enough for me to not regret, they wouldn't suffice for the people who truly loved her.
[ Could this be the last time Alex will touch her without recoiling? ]
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Alex does allow herself to be lead inside, not letting go of Nel's hand just yet. ]
You haven't answered me yet.
[ She made sure to point that out, not wanting this to just be swept under the rug. ]
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She sets to lighting a few candles at its center, buying time. ]
Nothing is 'wrong'. Nothing's changed, Alex. Don't worry for nothing.
[ Three times. That's three times she said 'nothing'. ]
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Three times. Yes, she counted. ]
You’re not nothing.
[ Not to her. ]
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[ The growing sickness in her belly roils and screams, Liar! ]
I know you trust me. It's all I needed to hear.
[ Her back is a mass of too-tight muscle wrapped up in a body containing lifetimes of suppressed feeling. She rolls her neck, cracks it, takes a seat— on the table, not a chair. ]
Whatever you find I've done, I just ask you remember.
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Nel..what are you not telling me?
[ Even without a bond, Alex couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong. That something was bothering Nel. ]
Can you please tell me?
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Alright.
[ She just looks at Alex's face, at each curve and soft angle. Memorization. ]
A young woman was slaughtered most intimately as part of a man's game with me. To protect my own skin, I hid all evidence she'd ever existed.
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Nel...Why did you ask if I trust you? Did you think I would think badly of you if I found out about this?
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Why wouldn't you? A woman, an innocent, was murdered. My actions following her death prevented any family she might've had from ever finding closure.
Could you forgive that, Alex? If she was your sister?
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But... you had your reasons, right?
[ Alex had to believe that she did, that any of the people she cared about had reasons behind their actions, no matter how questionable. It was the only way she could make sense of things. ]
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My reasons, she thinks, were self-serving. Nothing to justify what was and was not done, and justifications are what come easiest to a woman such as Nel. ]
Yes. I did. And if they weren't good enough for me to not regret, they wouldn't suffice for the people who truly loved her.
[ Could this be the last time Alex will touch her without recoiling? ]