[And Mello — stares. For a moment. Two. The frantic nature with which she's searching for words, for the proper thing to say causes something that has to be guilt. Mello doesn't feel it often, but when he does: it's enough to crumble him. He immediately regrets his response to her trepidation; of course he makes her nervous. He makes everyone nervous.]
[Even L.]
[Now, he does pull his hand away; it's not rejection, no. Just an attempt to straighten his stature, set his feet flat on the floor.]
Alex.
[No. Just. No.]
I wouldn't hurt you. [At least not physically.] I don't do that to women. I never have.
[And that's the fucking truth.]
You're afraid of men. [Despite his training, it doesn't take a psych to understand that.] I'm asking you not to be afraid of me.
[And as though he could ever fully return the favor — ]
I'm asking you to trust me. We don't need to fuck in order for you to do that.
[And now, he initiates contact again. Just her shoulder; Mello's always been shit at comfort.]
Do you think I would hurt you?
[If she believes he would? Well. That's a dealbreaker, isn't it.]
[ It hadn't occurred to her that she would come off as afraid of him, or that he would take it that way. She couldn't say it didn't make sense though, based on her reaction. ]
I don't--! That's now what I..I didn't mean it that way...
[ It never crossed her mind that M would hurt her, and that was the truth. But he didn't have the full story, so how could she expect him to fully understand. ]
[Alex is an insecure thing; Mello isn't sure as to how to reassure her. Would he hurt her? Not physically, no. She claims trust, and that is such a fickle proclamation. She doesn't know what it is to trust someone wrapped in paranoia so hard that it dictates his every decision.]
I don't know.
[Honesty at its finest. His voice is low, his hands drawn back near his sides.]
Words don't mean anything. I want to believe you.
[He cocks his head]
But you're afraid. I don't know how to assuage that without you telling me what's made you that way.
[A pause. A moment. Two. Mello considers his next move. It's monumental in the grand scheme of things where the two of them are concerned.]
Do you trust me enough to tell me?
[Probably not.]
If you trust nothing else, believe that I'll keep your secrets safe.
[ She doesn't go after him when he pulls away, her fingers curling into the fabric of her clothes as they rest on her lap again. Alex hadn't considered that he would tell anyone else, that wasn't her worry. What she was so uncertain of was if he'd still want anything to do with her. But would he want anything to do with someone who hides things from him too? Was she ready to say everything? ]
There..was a man I used to anger a lot...and he'd get rough when he was...angry..
[ Maybe not everything, and the bits that were left weighed on chest. ]
[No, continuous concealment would break everything Mello is attempting here. Here, with a girl he honestly doesn't know at all. Only that she seems to care for some reason; Mello's never failed to question someone's motives so strongly. She's just. Alex.]
[This might be what trust feels like, he thinks.]
[Empathy has never been his strong point. Never will. He's had exactly two instances of men trying to rough him up in ways that had nothing to do with business, and neither of them are alive to tell the tale.]
[He furrows his brow at her admission; it's all he has to give in the way of understanding. But he's trying, and that's what matters, right? So he won't attempt to re-initiate contact. If she does, she does. Just. Listen, then?]
Which was a lot, [he confirms. Some cunt roughed her up enough times to make her perpetually afraid, and he only thing Mello can think is — ]
You could've killed him, you know. [Flippant and logical.] Men never expect it from women who haven't threatened it.
[ Her eyes flick back to him, just for a moment, before falling back to the hands on her lap. ]
I didn't.
[ She tried a lot of things, but she was never successful. Killing was...probably the only thing she didn't try. Couldn't. There were just some lines she couldn't cross, it seemed. She wasn't that brave. ]
...But someone else did.
[ It's the only reason she's alive right now. Even if she was originally a target as well. ]
[Mello can speak from experience. As a matter of fact, he will. As appealing and tempting Alex is on his sofa right now, despite her drop in mood, it's clear that M isn't going to have the chance to explore what's beneath that dress tonight, so — ]
He deserved it.
[And if she loved him? Well, that's just stupid. It's a gesture he's never even bothered to attempt with anyone, but he furrows his brows in what could be mock concern, urges her chin up to look at him when he speaks.]
[ There was never any affection or love for Barry, and she felt no guilt over his death. She didn’t go with him because she liked the man. She was just naive. ]
I just couldn’t...do it myself.
[ Not until he was already dead did she take any action, taking her pent up frustrations out on a lifeless corpse. Just one of the long list of things she wasn’t capable of. ]
[No, it's not him. While Mello might have been of the mindset that his demeanor scared Alex, the fact that she chooses to interact with him proves otherwise. That she shows up to comfort him when he's not okay proves it further. He nods, withdraws completely.]
[The girl is easily pressured. Would crumble under proper interrogation. Noted.]
"It's not you, it's me." [A light scoff.] I'm sure everyone has heard that at least once. [He tips his head.] Alex.
I don't want anything from you. You know that, yea
[ It sounds pretty shitty when he puts it like that, but it was basically what she was saying.
She looks at him when he makes the statement, something about it not sitting right with her. ]
But..you do.
[ Everyone wants something. ]
It...might be different. I'm not saying you're like them--
[ A slip of the tongue ]
But there is something that you want.
[ For her to tell him the truth, for her to comfort him, something. It wasn't something she'd normally say so forwardly. But it was M. Someone who for all the way he might make her squirm in place with his sharp insights, was someone that she trusted to a certain degree. ]
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no subject
[Even L.]
[Now, he does pull his hand away; it's not rejection, no. Just an attempt to straighten his stature, set his feet flat on the floor.]
Alex.
[No. Just. No.]
I wouldn't hurt you. [At least not physically.] I don't do that to women. I never have.
[And that's the fucking truth.]
You're afraid of men. [Despite his training, it doesn't take a psych to understand that.] I'm asking you not to be afraid of me.
[And as though he could ever fully return the favor — ]
I'm asking you to trust me. We don't need to fuck in order for you to do that.
[And now, he initiates contact again. Just her shoulder; Mello's always been shit at comfort.]
Do you think I would hurt you?
[If she believes he would? Well. That's a dealbreaker, isn't it.]
no subject
I don't--! That's now what I..I didn't mean it that way...
[ It never crossed her mind that M would hurt her, and that was the truth. But he didn't have the full story, so how could she expect him to fully understand. ]
I didn't think you would hurt me...
[ Maybe that wasn't convincing enough. ]
How would I..show you that I trust you?
no subject
I don't know.
[Honesty at its finest. His voice is low, his hands drawn back near his sides.]
Words don't mean anything. I want to believe you.
[He cocks his head]
But you're afraid. I don't know how to assuage that without you telling me what's made you that way.
[A pause. A moment. Two. Mello considers his next move. It's monumental in the grand scheme of things where the two of them are concerned.]
Do you trust me enough to tell me?
[Probably not.]
If you trust nothing else, believe that I'll keep your secrets safe.
[And that's all he has to give]
no subject
There..was a man I used to anger a lot...and he'd get rough when he was...angry..
[ Maybe not everything, and the bits that were left weighed on chest. ]
no subject
[This might be what trust feels like, he thinks.]
[Empathy has never been his strong point. Never will. He's had exactly two instances of men trying to rough him up in ways that had nothing to do with business, and neither of them are alive to tell the tale.]
[He furrows his brow at her admission; it's all he has to give in the way of understanding. But he's trying, and that's what matters, right? So he won't attempt to re-initiate contact. If she does, she does. Just. Listen, then?]
Which was a lot, [he confirms. Some cunt roughed her up enough times to make her perpetually afraid, and he only thing Mello can think is — ]
You could've killed him, you know. [Flippant and logical.] Men never expect it from women who haven't threatened it.
[Blink.]
Unless you did.
no subject
I didn't.
[ She tried a lot of things, but she was never successful. Killing was...probably the only thing she didn't try. Couldn't. There were just some lines she couldn't cross, it seemed. She wasn't that brave. ]
...But someone else did.
[ It's the only reason she's alive right now. Even if she was originally a target as well. ]
no subject
[Mello can speak from experience. As a matter of fact, he will. As appealing and tempting Alex is on his sofa right now, despite her drop in mood, it's clear that M isn't going to have the chance to explore what's beneath that dress tonight, so — ]
He deserved it.
[And if she loved him? Well, that's just stupid. It's a gesture he's never even bothered to attempt with anyone, but he furrows his brows in what could be mock concern, urges her chin up to look at him when he speaks.]
You know that, yea?
no subject
[ There was never any affection or love for Barry, and she felt no guilt over his death. She didn’t go with him because she liked the man. She was just naive. ]
I just couldn’t...do it myself.
[ Not until he was already dead did she take any action, taking her pent up frustrations out on a lifeless corpse. Just one of the long list of things she wasn’t capable of. ]
So it’s not you..
no subject
[The girl is easily pressured. Would crumble under proper interrogation. Noted.]
"It's not you, it's me." [A light scoff.] I'm sure everyone has heard that at least once. [He tips his head.] Alex.
I don't want anything from you. You know that, yea
no subject
She looks at him when he makes the statement, something about it not sitting right with her. ]
But..you do.
[ Everyone wants something. ]
It...might be different. I'm not saying you're like them--
[ A slip of the tongue ]
But there is something that you want.
[ For her to tell him the truth, for her to comfort him, something. It wasn't something she'd normally say so forwardly. But it was M. Someone who for all the way he might make her squirm in place with his sharp insights, was someone that she trusted to a certain degree. ]
Is..that really the only thing I can do for you?